Stay Calm and Sparkle On
by Slytherfoot
Summary: The Golden Trio are running through the Forbidden Forest when they run into a certain vampire. What's worse? Malfoys there too. A lot of AVPM references, but all for fun. Please R&R. Parody! One-shot.


The Golden Trio were quietly trudging through the forest, the forbidden one of course.

"Ron, this is all your fault," Hermione whined, jabbing the red-head with a stick. Ron yelped.

"OW! Quit it, 'Mione! It's not entirely my fault Harry forgot to bring the map!"

"Oh really? Do you think ANYONE could even THINK with you complaining like a dieing dog about your OWL results?"

Ron tried to respond with something witty, but he found himself just hissing back at the bushy haired girl, "Says the one who got the best mark in the class…" Hermione smiled.

"An entire year of studying sure paid off."

Harry looked back at the duo. He had learned not to get involved in their quarrels—it meant nothing but bad news. It's better to just let them sort it out…

"Um… Guys? What's that?" Ron squeaked.

Hermione huffed, "It's probably another spider…" but Harry followed Ron's finger, and it led straight into a tree. Harry smiled genuinely and chirped,

"Cedric! You're alive?" 'Cedric' turned to face Harry.

If someone could go any whiter than that, they might just be dead.

"Oh f—" Hermione reached into her pocket and her wand darted out shortly after.

"Stupefy!" the spell cast out of the wand no faster had he been able to finish his sentence.

"Hermione! What are you doing?" Harry hissed. Hermione just continued to stare at the man she just cursed.

"That's not Cedric, Harry…"

The trio approached the man, who coughed while struggling to retain his stance.

"You're sparkling…" Ron mumbled, backing away slowly.

"You're a ginger." The glittering inhuman replied. Harry pointed his wand at him,

"Low blow man. Low. Blow."

"Did someone say Draco Malfoy?" A certain blonde strut through the forest, "Ah, Potter I knew you never would associate with the right type." He turned and stared at the glittering man with eyes of pure confusion. "What have you got here? A fairy princess?"

"Malfoy," Harry groaned.

"I'm not a fairy!" the man stammered, stomping his foot like a child.

"Sure, now, anyway." Ron turned to Draco.

"What do you want? Here to creep Harry again? Git."

"That's not what I want!" _I__want__Hermione__Granger!__ …__And__a__rocket__ship._ "I'm doing exactly what you're doing. Finding something else to do."

Ron smirked, "Well, I mean, you and fairy boy over here make quite a delightful couple…" Draco gave him a threatful glare. "Oh right, Crabbe and Goyle got that covered." Draco reached out his wand at pointed it at Ron's throat, pacing to close the space between them, making his threat all the more Sirius.

"By the way… I'm not a fairy…"

"You're a vampire." Hermione finished for him. "You're in a popular novel trilogy in the muggle world. Pity."

"You look nothing like a vampire. Vampires are…kind of scary looking. You look like a pastry covered in too many sprinkles." Harry said, keeping his eye on Draco.

"My balls sparkle. You're argument is invalid."

"Not like you could do anything with them…" Hermione snickered. "Vampires don't have blood flow…so they can't get a…you know…" everyone grimaced.

"Ewww!" Draco stuck out his tongue. "Hey wait a minute." He stopped, staring intensely, "Aren't you that dead guy from Hufflepuff?"

"No…I don't know what you're talking about. I've been dead for a century. My name is _Edward_."

"We're old…"

"This is no fun. Where's the action? Sparkly boy, beat up Potter." Draco commanded.

"Why should I?" Edward huffed.

"Because I'm worth it." Draco replied, gasping at himself.

"I really think I should be going, I mean for all I know a dog might be ripping my kid out of my not-really wife with whom it's mostly a friends with benefits relationship—"

"Your world frowns upon proper written literature, doesn't it?"

"Perhaps."

"Anyway…we better be going." Harry announced, already starting to remove himself from the area.

Hermione and Ron followed suit, shuffling behind Harry. Draco however, stayed behind, gawking unfathomably at the so called vampire.

"You're weird," he said before turning to Crabbe and Goyle, who had just caught up. "TO PIGFARTS!"

**Okay, total parody here xD hahaha. Don't hate, kay guys? And to you hardcore Twihards out there, YOU searched Harry Potter/Twilight, so you asked for it. For you Potterheads, like all the references? xD This was a late night for me, so yes, this shall be scrappy! Please review! If you're going to favourite, you can review too :P **


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